I'm quite devastated that my memory somehow failed me of recalling NaPoWriMo, resulting in me now lagging 8 days, or perhaps more, behind. Shall try my utmost best to make up for it. Here goes the first.

Paper chalk perched
between kissing lips;
exchanging saliva with
another's sponge.
You're more than a garden
with flowers in your tress
and rolled up weed,
making love,

to branches and throat on
an affair's sigh.

I had a brief conversation with Anna this Arvo and wished time back. Say rewinding's an option, I'd. Dependency is my greatest fear of all, this battle's long lost.

Title and Registration by Death Cab For Cutie

The glove compartment is inaccurately named, and everybody knows it. So I'm proposing a swift orderly change. Cause behind its door, there's nothing to keep my fingers warm, and all I find are souvenirs from better times. Before the gleam of your taillights fading east, to find yourself a better life. I was searching for some legal document. As the rain beat down on the hood, when I stumbled upon pictures I tried to forget, and that's how this idea was drilled into my head. Cause it's too important to stay the way it's been, there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade and now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all, and here i rest where disappointment and regret collide, lying awake at night. There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade, and now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all and here I rest where disappointment and regret collide, lying awake at night (up all night) when I'm lying awake at night.


Was the love even there in the first place? Someone please intellectualize my emotions.

Crawl

I woke up to the sound of hideousness, and cracked eggs, like your fingers fondering your womb. It melts like grey. Nay, you say, have no womb, like a man does; he does? You ain't a bloody, man, says who? Aye, I, nights are thin, wrapped twice around tear glands, and never was I up to the lungs, to breathe. Your face is sickly, I'd rather give my colours to a kneel over a porcelain built, and devour the putrid essence of others before me; now that tongues can see, mine opposes to exchange foam with, for spillage passes and yours is a case of dust. And mind you, it ain't sunshine dust nor them on words.

"The egoism of love made them immune to the general distress" -The Plague by Albert Camus.

So is it to say that to deprive oneself of love is to be selfless? Then I'd be. Queer, queer. 'Twas a man with a head, with a pretty tongue spewing such colours, painting a rainbow blue and wax. He's no man. Laugh and be known.

Recently, I've somehow summoned up sufficient stupidity to lock up my conscience and then put on a case of amnesia. Lying isn't that difficult, is it? A social life definitely isn't working any magic on me, however, count on it to be a razor and shave one's brains off like strands of tress; just perhaps, in this case, it refuses to contribute fresh shoots after such ill treatment. Boy, does it hold such grudge; has it not heard of forgiveness? Flesh isn't much of a treat when they come by themselves, with lack of substance and lack of. Life, say life. Who is it to say, life. None of them are. Mere walking and talking bottle of Ethanol and ashtray. I was always less.

And off I go.

Let's Dance To Joy Division by The Wombats

So let the love tear us apart,
I've found the cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart.

They say love.

Jeremy, spew
ink and thread
the crumbs, of me.
They say, be
(gone!)
-------------------------------------------------
Nietzsche, save! An animal
and bear me in your lungs;
inhale me to be dust,
and choke.
Pale knuckles hold crayon
and delivers itself blood;
it talks of fear and befriends
me.
-------------------------------------------------
Spitting tongues grow on themselves, to
amplify; saliva points to the door. To perish
is to respire under your thumb, and that
dull chunk doesn't colour its grey, draws red.
Be meat and butchered, as like to take white
little pills; tell sleep to package me as it does
to ham; make plastic a dress, because
blade and blade wants me to be asexual;
would be once kitchen utensils, inside your
palm, shake hands with me. Say, hello.
Hello.

Long time no see. This is the consequence of being brainless and resorting to smoking in school toilets, not realizing how accessible it is to the rest of the student body.

And as usual, my life's heading nowhere. So be it.

Socialising is a pain.

Alright by Supergrass.

<3s

Korean. Boys.

I figured, that emotions are primarily based on thoughts' subjectiveness. Thoughts are prone to personal opinion; it is beyond possibility for one to be completely clear of oneself. For example, when an individual gets infuriated based on say, another spilling beverage onto him by accident, he does so because he reckons the particular action of being extremely impolite, or perhaps plainly because he had a new attire on at that moment. Those explicitly implied are only two out of an infinite amount of possibilities whose foundations are built upon personal factors. To say love is an emotion is mistaken, for, to recap the point earlier, emotions are the consequences of thoughts. Love is the state where it starts gaining an upper hand over one's mindset, and hence, is insanity. One in love, is one without much mind to think.

But you make me head spin 'round and 'round.

Yes, dear. I think when I rest my head. The thoughts, they just wouldn't quit.

Vanity.

School is of frivolous personality. Contrary to belief, power is not based on popularity but based on manipulation instead. One who wins the higher authority's favour, wins the game. Heck, but school refuses to work as such. I'm lonesome, for adolescence does not see past majority of its victims. As Nietzsche puts it,
"When it wants to communicate itself, every nobler spirit and taste also selects its audience; in selecting them it also debars 'the others'. All the more subtle rules of style have their origin bid 'admission', understanding - while at the same time they alert the ears of those who are related to us through their ears." I see I'm facing the wrong direction and my audience is now vacuum, eaten by its own pursue of what is artificial. And I, am above. Perhaps, I no longer sense as you do; however I can laugh heartily as my hell is your heaven, and we are, apart in disposition. Quoting again, "You look up when you desire to be exalted. And I look down because I am exalted. He who climbs upon the highest mountains laughs at all tragedies, real or imaginary. Courageous, untroubled, mocking, violent - that is what wisdom wants us to be..." I live with serenity in mind, as envy does not find its way into me through minute passages of trivial matters regarding the woes which flows with mortality. I mock and I merely glance under me, because I have the power to. I have the access to the ladder to climb further up. And you, mortal fools, have no wings to ascend.

This is a horrifying experience to go through. I practically watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 12 hours straight. And that's an at least.

My fingers have been itching to reach out for Maarten's left over pack of Marlboro Gold since I woke up this morning, yearning for cigarettes. At 7.30 in the blistering morning. I mean, how in Prostitute Jesus' name did I get hooked in merely one night. Okay, scratch that and rewrite it with let's say, 3 hours, perhaps? 9 sticks wasn't that large a number, it is?

I need, something. Either recreational drugs, lots of Absolut, or somebody's face to punch.

Music, I'm back. It's been long since we last met. I miss you, Heartwork.

And I'd be a norm and stench with my decay.

Shady Lane by Pavement

Has been a couple.

Saw Hamtie, Alice, Blandon, Rahmat, Amin and whoever else on Disney Channel yesterday. Was hilarious. Good old times. Reminiscence found its way past me.

Singaporean accent sounds so sickly. Degrading. I hope I'd never go back to that accent again.

Hell, I wasted 3 years of my life in China, 11 years of my life in Singapore, and on the way to completing one year down the drain in Vietnam. Lovely.

I need sweet relish.

Mariana.

Abbreviations and another
clumsy claustrophobic pause
-- for love? But the lights
say go, perhaps it's time
to steer and begone, into.

Cement tells no story,
it has no tongue to spit.
Words in a box now lasts no more
than an anorexic's appetite.
April's rain left without me.

"Your thoughts are shallow." Lovely. Requital only goes so far. "Hey. I can't be telling him I love him and going outside to hook up with other boys, what would he think I am? Cheap?" Okay, so now I am cheap. I've seen enough to know that lower life forms aren't something worth dedicating your woes to. Cheers.

My Love is Stronger Than Your Love by Red Riders

Well I was only here for the weekend
I kinda hung around for the week
You took me in showed me things I never knew
Oh you left me lonesome now I can't speak
I can't speak, I can't speak, I won't speak now

Baby you know this ain't love
My love is stronger than your love
Well baby how could this be love?

Well I was only here for the reason
The season when your pearl necklace broke
The words we murmured so no one ever heard them
Mean nothing now but I can't let go
Don't let go, don't let go, don't you go

But all of your visions and missions to Mars
Were hung up in the headlights they were written in the stars
And all this ambition's ambivalence bound
I knew that it would
Oh you know that it's good when it hurts like it should

Forever Young by Youth Group

Let's dance in style, lets dance for a while
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders we're getting in tune
The music's played by the mad men

Forever young, I want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever? Forever young

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
why don't they stay young

It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fleeing horse
Youth's like diamonds in the sun
and diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams swinging out of the blue
We let them come true

Chinse New Year.

Chinese New Year. Pathetic amount of Red Packet money received.

Love is such a trivial matter. Hell, life itself is trivial. I don't see why certain individuals flush their time and thoughts down the toilet in pursue of love, or fling, or whatever they regard it as. I officially pull out of conforming to social expectations. I don't see any need in sharing my life with anybody else. It kind of amazes me how certain (I won't name any names because it'll take hours to just list them) girls dedicate their life to doing so. At least my disposition is a tad higher than that. I don't need lower lifeforms with dangling members downstairs to reassure me of my existence and what not. Hell, I just wish I can completely convince myself of that.

I need to escape to England.

This stench is suffocating.

Dwayne

Watched Little Miss Sunshine twice over the past 3 days. Dwayne is such an adorable character. As mentioned in Wikipedia, he "is a Nietzsche-reading teenager who has taken a vow of silence until he can accomplish his dreams of becoming a test pilot." Lovely, eh? (I'd rather suffer to learn than be joyful in ignorance.)

Golden eye melts
and devours its own saliva.
Feeds, tongue, feeds.
Gutters.

Little man blue
Perish with tripping stones
Breathe flesh and radiate

I want to feel

Long Time No See

Was watching TV5Monde Asie the previous night and stumbled upon La Crise. Djamila and her wise words, along the line of "She shake him, he shake her. They moan. It's all pretty ridiculous." Yet people pay for it with high prices of money, time and emotions. Mortal fools. I shall (attempt to) differ.

Picked up guitar again after hell of a long time yesterday, felt good. Was a relief.

Somebody please intellectualize my emotions.

Jeremy, my little-gay-lover-boy. <3

Hell, this might be as personal as my blog would explicitly get.

I don't need to be enlightened on how this is the World Wide Web and pornography is as real as acquaintanceship gets.

So, Jeremy decided to retire from that little den of ours. Got sick of the stench of our excretion. Didn't think an air-freshener would be bought anytime soon. So he quits. Sure, some wants your little poet's head drilled. Probably due their mentality being reduced into shreds and the inability to accept their own incompetency. Well, not all wants you gone. For one, I definitely do not. Neither would Robby, I trust. I just hope that I'm not included in the general reference of "ingrates". Hell, most plausibly I am.

Just wished to stick a straw into that ingenious brain and give a sincere thanks for all the help you've given me, writing-wise (take a look at the pieces I've written before your arrival and you'll see the wide gap) and moral-wise (the Rowan/Roman-boy-who-can't-spell case). Oh yes, not forgetting the introduction of Yaoi and pretty homosexual asses. Here be a few saline given to the concrete in remembrance of you. There you go.

I'll miss you.

23 by Jimmy Eat World

I fell for sure last night, once we said goodbye.
No one else will know these lonely dreams; no one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away, and I'm sorry every day;
I won't always love these selfish things, I won't always live; not stopping.

It was my turn to decide, I knew this was our time.
No one else will have me like you do; no one else will have me, only you.

You'll sit alone forever, if you wait for the right time.
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready, holding on tight.
Don't give away the end, the one thing that stays mine

Creation Lake by Silversun Pickups

The way things have fallen,
can't be afraid anymore.
First we were water
in creation lake;
Have to start to end
To go where life lives

There's 24 parts in a day that divides me from you.

The way things have fallen,
can't be afraid anymore.
First we were water,
came from clouds hit the ground;
Mama's the sweetest
alarm clock around.

There's 24 parts in a day that divides me from you.

Placebo

If only love can be deprived
of serotonin.
Hell, it won't be anymore.

Chalk drew attraction boundaries,
a law nonetheless.
Yet lines refrain not pain.

Wished, wished you away.
Words only go so far.

Father.

(god),
your degradation limps
with member, until
logicality slipped through
the back door.

(god)
made a list of things to
call the blame on, and
ward off a bruised ego. Pray
it distracts
(from self-insignificance;
know your disposition well.)

(father)hood,
makes one imbecile,
but yours was a package deal
along with birth.
How cheap.

Mr Snuffleupugus.

I get goosebumps from listening to Avey make sounds which resembles a cat mating while reading about Mr Snuffleupugus. Now I know the reason why I'm so very much in love with Sesame Street.

Mr Snuffleupugus is God.

And God is dead.

Lovely.

This is infuriating. I had a moment of brilliance which exceeded my long drive of mediocrity and it swallowed its own effigy along with the music.

Live in citric
ink;
save your crumbles for yourself.

Consolation For Not Having Enough Money (The Consolations Of Philosophy)

Is a good book.

Although while reading through, I came across a few points which I disagree on. In the second part of the book, the author refers to Epicurus' theories. The first point in "Happiness, an Epicurean acquisition list" is Friendship. It states that, quoting from the book, "We don't exist unless there is someone who can see us existing, what we say has no meaning until someone can understand, while to be surrounded by friends is constantly to have our identity confirmed; their knowledge and care for us have the power to pull us from our numbness."

I shall say that this statement is extremely disagreeable personally. First of all, as Epicurus implicated, one's existence can be confirmed by being sighted. That is self-explanatory.

We live in a society where there happens to be necessary links between everything, regardless of continents, countries, states, cities, neighbourhoods and this can be minimized down to individuals. Hence, living in a co-dependent society, one's existence can be confirmed just by grocery shopping, walking along the streets.

If one is a hermit and desires to live alone, his/her existence can be confirmed by the very act of usage of the five senses. For in survival, to eat is necessary. Hence, the sense of taste reassures us of our very existence.

Secondly, in the same point of Friendship, I quote "True friends do not evaluate us according to worldly criteria, it is the core self they are interested in; like ideal parents, their love for us remains unaffected by our appearance or position in the social hierarchy". This statement would later on be proved to be false. Take Elephant Man for an example, he had not shown any sign of hostility yet look at what he turned out to be. Strangers judge by appearance, and a pleasant or favoured appearance which appeal to them would bring them to take the initiative to make friends in the first place. Hence, this proves the above statement to be wrong.

Furthermore, in reference to Nietzsche, he mentioned that all human actions are selfish and based on self-preservation. Take Mother and child for example, a Mother takes care of her child unconditionally as it is what society expects of her; parental guidance is deemed as her responsibility. By neglecting this responsibility, she would be degrading her own reputation and status in the society as expectations are meant to be met. Her "love" is to deserve respect from the general public and not to be blamed for neglecting her responsibilities. The same case goes for friends. There is no such term as "true friends" due to the fact that each act upon instincts based on what would advantage oneself. For example, Z saves Y from being shot by standing in front of Y and taking the shot for Y instead. That itself might seem to be a courageous and selfless action. However, on the second think, Z would have done it because s/he felt obliged to do so as that is what defines friendship. This itself is also an expectation and hence carried as a responsibility.

Moving on, the second point, Freedom. I took a glance through this suggestion as the term "freedom" itself is vague and undefinable. Absolute freedom is impossible in Earthly context if you consider Newton's laws and nature's cycles such such. These are all restrictions which bind us within a limit which we are unable to exceed. This itself opposes the idea of freedom. Hence, it is beyond possibility for us to acquire freedom. Only speculations of complete freedom can be made but nothing concrete would be able to justify these assumptions. Just by these 2 examples, it is clear that freedom is invalid.

Last but not least is Thought. With this, I agree with Epicurus to a large extent. For cognition is the key to joy. With knowledge about oneself and one's environment, an individual gains insight and understanding which in turn enlightens him/her. Thoughts and opinions are also another way to confirm one's existence.

So much for tonight. I wish we could do Well Thought Out Twinkles by Silversun Pickups instead of We Are Scientists for Auscham Australia Day.

Excuse me.

Say
member is applicable
as sorrow's analgesic;
and publicity wrapping
freedom's hand.

Nights
where silence reverberates;
drawing pillows out from ash
pavements beside another
stranger's saline.

Father, make him a trap.